Mainstream culture whispers to us that we are always supposed to win. Or it shouts this to us, with images of material riches, youth and the high-powered careers that finance material riches and the appearance, at least, of youth.

But when we’re rich in what matters, we surrender more than we win. Health and vitality, connection to nature,  financial solvency, spirituality, loving relationships, work we love and life-purpose . . . . my experience is that surrender, not self-will, takes us to these riches.

Here are the first five best things to surrender to, in no particular order.

The impulse to dance.  I know in the marrow of my bones that dancing is good for us — our bodies, our spirits, our everything. So does the troubled but spirited heroine of my novel Revelle.

We tend to make dancing way too complicated. It’s not about looking cool or sexy in front of anybody. It’s about dropping down out of our heads (where mainstream culture tells us to live), being inside our bodies, and letting our instincts and emotions move us. Next time you feel like dancing, surrender to it. Alone at home is a great place to start, similar to the shower being the place to develop your singing chops.

Aging. I still struggle with the fact of my aging (I’m 53). But I’ve surrendered a lot more since last year’s infamous events. I’ve come to believe that our (largely media-driven) desire to stay young is actually a desire to stay healthy and vital. And we can cultivate health and vitality at any age. The happiest people I know are the ones who are aging with gusto. The saddest people I know are the ones who fiercely resist the fact they are getting older.

Climate change, as in, surrender to the fact that climate change is happening, not to a fatalistic notion that nothing can be done about it. Our U.S. culture’s denial of climate change is just like the people on the Titanic rearranging the deck chairs as the ship was sinking. The more we surrender to the unpleasant truth of climate change, the more resilient we can become in the face of it. The more rigidly we deny and avoid it, the less resilient we will be, and the harder we will make life for future generations.

Your appetite for real food. The media tells us to consume alcohol, pop, junk food, and everything else that turns companies the largest possible profit. And the media is loud. But when we disconnect from advertisements and listen to our bodies, they whisper things to us like, “I’d like an orange, please. And maybe that savory pasta dish you made last month.” Here are my tastiest, simplest menus of real food.

 I’ll be honest: I’m sipping basil-infused vodka with ginger ale as I write this on Sunday evening. And my summer has involved quite a bit of ice cream (though not the dreaded Haagen Dazs stupor, thankfully). But dinner will be green salad and tempeh/tomato sandwiches. Surrender to good things happens on a continuum, it seems to me. See the next item for the best way to keep moving along the continuum.

The people who challenge you. Some people in our lives go out of their way to help others, even people they don’t personally know. Or they ask us about that New Years resolution we set months ago to find a better job, or to read books that improve our minds, or to get to church once a month. And they don’t necessarily buy into our excuses for why we’re taking the path of least resistance. Instead, they encourage us to actually implement our good intentions.

Or, the people who challenge us may not say anything directly, but the example they set inspires us. They are raising the bar simply through who they are.  In my life, some of the people who challenge me are Thor Hinckley, Linda Kusse-Wolfe, Dana Whitson and Colleen Kaleda. They help me to live a good story. They help me chase a diamond-cut life.

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